I promised to stay.

I didn't stand in front of God, my family, friends, and husband and promise I'd be happy. I stood in front of them and promised I'd stay.

Don't we forget that? I think we love very "conditionally".

I will love you more if...

I love you because...

I won't leave unless....

It's really easy to love someone on the good days. It's easy to love someone when all is right in your world. Of course I love Greg on days we're laughing, on days when money is good, on days we get to sleep in and stay home from work. It's easy to love him when the house is clean, the laundry done, the bed made. It's really great when the vehicles are both running and we have a good night with family or friends. I love him so much when he holds me or comes to bed early with me just because I ask.

Let me just lay it out there. I've watched a few marriages fall apart lately. I've seen a few that are hanging on by a thread and a couple stipulations. Young and old, I see some really hurting and broken people because the person they committed to decided to quit on them. I've cried for those people. Genuinely cried. I look around and I see people leaving marriages, and some of them think they have some pretty good reasons.

He's not there for me.

I'm lonely.

She's just not beautiful anymore.

Tough.

I've only been married a little over a year, but I hope to be married for sixty more. I know in order to attain that, I'm going to have to stay on the really miserable days. I'm going to need good Christian friends to build me up and remind me of my promise. I'm going to need a friend or two to say "Tough. Go home - not because you want to but because you promised."

I dare you to tell someone that - someone that might really need to hear it. I dare you to start holding people accountable for the promises they make and the ones they break - with a loving heart of course. I challenge you to remind people of the consequences of leaving. It might not always go over well, but I dare you to remind me of that if I ever think it's a good idea to quit. (And definitely remind Greg.) Sometimes being a Christian requires that of you and I. It requires us to hold people accountable, to encourage, naturally to forgive, and to commit.

But, Gregory, I will stay. I'll stay on the cold days. I'll stay when we're out of clean dishes, clean laundry, and the floor needs swept. I'll stay when the bills pile up, and the babies keep us up all night. I'll stay when our jobs are gone and our time together is limited. I'll stay when I'm lonely, when I'm sad, and when I'm angry. I'll stay when I'd much rather be somewhere else.

I will stay because I promised and God will bless me because I did.




"He loved her, of course - but better than that, he chose her, day after day. Choice: that was the thing." - Sherman Alexis


Disclaimer** God lays out clear rules for marriage. I encourage you to look for yourself. There are reasons, such as adultery, that release a person from marriage. If your husband or wife cheated on you and left you hurting, then I am not holding you accountable for their choice. I'm not telling you to leave, but I can't tell you to stay because according to the bible you would be released from that marriage. (1 Corinthians 7:15 But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.)

Naturally, you should talk to someone more versed than myself. I'm just a young and probably naive girl with a serious ache in my heart for those who are suffering because of divorce and lack of commitment. I'm just sharing what I do know, challenging you to hold me accountable for that.

Goal Breakdown

If you think this information is too personal, feel free not to read it. HAHA ;)
This is one way for me to keep our goals on track and feel accountable. I'll try not to use numbers, but sometimes it's important.

1) Set a budget.

When I wrote down all of our bills/outgoing money - I realized that about 2/3 of the money we make a month has been disappearing. When I started keeping track of our expenses, suddenly we had a lot more to work with. (Even though Greg was laid off in November, God has really taken care of us!) That allows us to knock out the loan debt and build our savings!

2) Set up a savings account to cover 3-6 months worth of bills in case of an emergency. Build on that savings account in order to buy a house/etc someday without going in over our heads.

We have our emergency fund built up! Yay! Now we need to keep socking money away for those 'rainy days' that will inevitably come our way... If we do this, we won't need to borrow any more money! Someday we'll pay in cash for a car, etc. No more debt!


3) Shred the credit cards. Stop relying on them, and stop falling for their 'great deals'. We need to only buy things that we can pay in cash for.

I never believed in credit cards until I got married. (Sorry, Greg.) He said it was a good idea to have one for emergencies and now we have ten. (I'm a sucker for rewards points now!) But you know what - we feel comfortable with our little emergency fund - so it's time to shred those cards! Let me point out that it's much harder to cancel a credit card than it is to get one. It took me an hour and a half to cancel 3 cards tonight. The rest will be taken care of tomorrow.

4) Pay off the student and car loans one at a time, beginning with the smallest. Knock them all out so that we will be living debt free.

#1 Guitar Loan (This is the smallest. We signed up for no interest for a year and decided to put Greg's guitar on the card. I HAD the money to pay in cash, and decided to go the card route instead. So in the end, we spent the cash on car repairs and now we owe on the guitar. Mistake. We have until June to pay it off, but my goal is to have it knocked out by March! Baby steps...) Wouldn't it be cooler if I could pay it off earlier?

#2 Student Loan
#3 Student Loan
#4 Student Loan
#5 Car Loan
#6 LIVE-DEBT-FREE

Debt Thoughts!

Greg and I have been talking money a lot over the past year. Do we buy a house? What happens when our car won't run for two months? Should we have credit cards? How do we save more money? How do we make more money? Can we afford to go on vacation?

It's exhausting. We live in a "want, want, want" culture. We want it, we get it. I want it, I get it. What a spoiled little brat I am. Seriously - why do I really feel entitled to drive a new jeep or put $100 worth of clothes on a credit card just to earn reward points? Just because.

So we've been really inspired lately to improve ourselves by improving our money skills. For us, that means we need to do several things.

1) Set a budget.
2) Set up a savings account to cover 3-6 months worth of bills in case of an emergency. Build on that savings account in order to buy a house/etc someday without going in over our heads.
3) Shred the credit cards. Stop relying on them, and stop falling for their 'great deals'. We need to only buy things that we can pay in cash for.
4) Pay off the student and car loans one at a time, beginning with the smallest. Knock them all out so that we will be living debt free.

Here are some things Dave Ramsey (check out his stuff!) talks about in his books and dvd's. I'm just going to take a minute to reflect on these quotes, mainly because I'll be using this blog as an accountability partner. I'm going to keep track of our goals - as well as our success and failures.

Please keep in mind that I love Dave Ramsey's secrets to success, but I do feel like each person needs their own individualized budget and goals. Greg and I are luckily not in over our heads. We made fairly smart decisions - only accumulating car and student loan debt. Not great, but it could be worse. We've never paid late fees on a credit card and we haven't bought a house yet. So our debt feels manageable. I realize we are very blessed with what we have, and our sacrifices may seem insignificant compared to the next persons. We might still be able to go out to eat or on dates, and we might still be able to take a little vacation. (Might being the key word!) We need to 'personalize' our plan and really set a budget for ourselves. We're simply using Dave Ramsey as a starting point.

"We buy things we don't need with money we don't have to impress people we don't like."

Now I'm not really a person that tries to impress others. That may have been me at one time in my life, but today I'm the girl that's happy driving the 11 year old Grand Am with the broken windows. I'm the girl that complains about paying $300 a month for a Jeep with heated seats. I'm sure I test Greg's patience every day. But, as I'm reflecting, I do realize that I let the culture of the world determine my lifestyle. The world tells us we need to own a home because we're married. The world tells us we are college graduates and we should have a couple nice vehicles. The world tells us that we need brand name clothes. I'm done with that. The bible tells us to store our treasures in heaven. The bible tells us not to be chained to debt. So you know what - we aren't buying a home because we have things we need to pay off. (Student Loans and a Car!) I'm tired of going in to debt for "things" that really don't matter. My treasures really are stored in heaven. My joy in life comes from my God, my family, and my friends. I am tired of the value the world places on material items.

"If you will live like no one else, later you can live like no one else."

Sacrifice today, enjoy tomorrow. Simple - isn't it? For us - that means we're going to go without the house so that we can pay off the student loans. It may mean something completely different for you.

"This is not a game. Debt has become a part of who we are. It's become that spoiled child in the grocery store with their lip stuck out: 'I want it. I want it. I deserve it because I breathe air.' And, well, that's an uphill climb in our culture right now, to go against that and say, 'Hey, let's be grownups here. Let's be mature, learn to delay pleasure, save up and pay for things.'"

It's an instant pleasure kind of world. I want it now. Well, tough. What I really want is for my kids not to worry about loans. I want Greg and I to be able to give and to share with other people. We aren't in the position to do that now, and that's our own fault. So it's time to be big kids.

So stay tuned! This is a new year for the little Seyler family.