New Year, New Thoughts!

FAILED New Year Resolutions of the past:

I won't bite my nails. Every year I say I won't bite my nails, and every year they get shorter.

I will work out. Seriously - why would I even utter those words? Not. Gonna. Happen. I just don't care if my arm jiggles a little bit or if I get out of breath walking down Arthur Street.

I won't buy any more shoes. Ok. That's just pure silliness.

In case you didn't catch my drift, every year I make promises to myself that I don't keep. But seriously - they don't mean much of anything anyway. Who cares if I bite my nails or if I have a little bit of extra meat on my bones? A good pair of heels makes up for a few extra pounds, right? ;)

In truth though - my life has flown by. Sure... I'm only 23 years old, and I've only been married a year, but I've wasted a lot of time wishing it away. How many of us are constantly looking forward to the next season in our lives that we miss the 'here and now'?

I spent 4 years in college wishing it was over. I spent 10 months dating Greg and wishing we were engaged. I spent 5 months being engaged and wishing we were married. I spent 1 year being married and wishing we were parents. Get my drift? Are you guilty of that?

So this year I'm making a promise to myself. I'm going to be happy with this season in my life. Because you know what - I really like this part of my life and I don't want it to fly by.

Yes, Greg and I do wish for a baby this year, but I am going to be happy that we don't have one right now. We like to make selfish decisions. We like sleeping in, staying up late, and spending our money on ourselves. I like having conversations with him that aren't interrupted by whining and crying and pooping. Someday we won't get to do that anymore, so I won't wish today away.

Yes, I do want my own home with my husband, but I'm happy that we don't own a home now because we don't have to write out a check to the bank every month. There is plenty of time to fork over our money later. I'm also glad that I don't have an entire house to clean - because I have trouble managing a tiny apartment.

That being said, I'll probably still 'count down the days until Friday'. I'm human! I will still profess that I 'can't wait' until we have a baby because I think babies are the biggest blessing on the face of this Earth. I will even count down the days until summer and sunshine and tanning - because I'm a girl.

The difference is that while I wait for all of my 'future dreams' to come true, I'm going to start appreciating and soaking up every moment I have today. Today is enough for me - just as it is.




"These things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! They will not be overdue... a single day!" - Habakkuk 2:3

Merry Christmas 2010!

As I sit here in my parents dining room, I'm thinking about the story of Christmas. I'm thinking about the story of a scared momma, about to bring a tiny little baby into the world. I'm amazed by the man who chose to love her, even if the baby wasn't his own.

I considered going into more detail, but that's enough for me for tonight. I'm just content - content with the fact that I believe in that little baby and He is more than a story to me.

Happy 1st Anniversary

Happy 'one year' to my husband... and oh what a year it has been!

Everyone warned us that the "first year is the hardest". Greg and I laugh about that on a regular basis, because to be honest this year hasn't been all that hard. We certainly aren't miserable and living together wasn't the biggest adjustment in the world. (Some people said we'd hate it!)

Sure, instead of doing the dishes Greg props his feet up on the chair that I absolutely hate and he delights himself in a good old game of Call of Duty while I scrub away. It's drives me crazy when he throws paper on the floor instead of the garbage can. Being on time for things - sooo not my husband. And no, I'm not exactly innocent. I "make" him come to bed with me because I just can't fall asleep on my own. I may be a little bit of a drama queen. I even occasionally hit him in the middle of the night. (I'm sleep-punching, I swear!) Just like any other new couple, we had to learn better ways to communicate. We've struggled with jobs and saving for a house. We think and think and think and even argue a little bit about important decisions like when we should have a baby and where our 'home church' should be. We struggle to make time for each other in a world that doesn't place a very high value on cherishing relationships. But at the end of the day - it's really a blessing to have the security we have in our marriage and our love for each other. Fights aside, the first year has been a lot of fun. I get to spend every day making memories my best friend, my yard-sale buddy, my husband. (And, according to his momma, he's a miracle! He reminds me on a regular basis.)

Here are just some of the wonderful memories we've made this year!

Fishing Dates - One of my favorite activities with Gregory. My dad threw my shoe in the water and Greg fished it out for me! (Notice the picture!

Savion & Lucius - My husband stepped out of his comfort zone FOR ME, and we had the opportunity to fall in love with two of the most wonderful little boys God has ever put on this earth!



Atlantic City, New Jersey - Everyone hated this trip except me.... So we stayed 3 days and headed home. Some people. Who cares if it's the dirtiest city in the world - it's the beach!




Beach Trip, Number 2 - A great trip with great friends! It's fun to have a few good married friends!

Love him most of all, forever.

My Grandpa Strauser pulled me aside at our Father's Day cook out this weekend. He told me how he loved to get online and look at our facebook "websites".

"You two enjoy each other a lot, don't you?" He smiled.

I thought of all the happy moments I've captured on my camera. Our first apartment, sled riding, our first Christmas, date nights, weddings, the beach. Then my mind wandered to all the not so happy moments you don't capture in a picture. The challenges we've faced in the first year of marriage - from the overwhelming sadness I've felt since I lost my Papa mixed with that period when you're really learning what it's like to be married and share a life with someone forever. Debates over houses, church, kids, pets, work, responsibilities at home, cars, bills, and personality differences...

"It's a challenge, Grandpa." I said. "It's a big adjustment... but we love each other a lot." There were already tears in my eyes just thinking about the past year in our lives and what we've already been through together.

He put his arm around me and whispered "Just love each other most of all, and you'll be alright. Love him more than any other person forever."

So that's the secret. He's right. Of all the people in this world, I get to love my husband most of all and forever. It's so good to be married. It's so good that on a day I was really missing my Papa, my other Grandpa was able step in and put his arms around me and remind me how blessed I still am.

On a lighter note, I'll take some time to share a few of those happy moments we caught on camera!

It's so cool to have a group of friends to enjoy the humor marriage with! :)

We are the self-proclaimed "Miserable Six". HAHA

We both love fishing! So relaxing and good time spent together!

Our Amish buggy ride in Lancaster.

Atlantic City, New Jersey. Speaking of personality conflicts - my hubby hates the beach... Can you believe I married someone who hates the beach? God has a funny sense of humor.

My mom and dad had never been on vacation prior to our AC trip!

Greg and I really enjoy football/wiffleball/outdoor games! We love to play catch together. He's a fun hubby.

The bed was uncomfortable - so we slept on the couches - pushed together of course.

Of course I took a picture. We were almost to our vacation spot!

What can I say? Memorial Day Camping Trip. (Last year we were engaged on Memorial Day! What a difference a year makes.)

Spent the day planting flowers at the Pittsburgh Project with our bible study - Relentless.

Seyler Clan - new family!

How convenient. I captured a bad moment on camera. Gregory left his bowl sit beside his bed for weeks. I wasn't the happiest lady that day. :)

I'm remembering you!

A few weeks ago I lost the most wonderful man I have ever known. There is no one on this earth that I have ever loved more than my papa. He was my favorite person.

I think of all those kind words people say. The most heartbreaking? It will get easier. But it hasn't. Because I think of him every single night when I crawl into bed and wipe away tears for the man I miss more every single day... and every single time I'm alone, he's all I think about. Alone in the car, alone at home, alone at the store... and I'm pretty sure it will only get worse.

I miss him every day on my 1/2 hour drive to work, because he always helped pass that time with a phone call. I'm going to miss him in June when I go to the beach, because he always worried sick when I went to the beach. Sharks and bad weather, and all the other things he warned me about. I'm going to miss him in July on his birthday. I'm going to miss him on our one year anniversary as I think about him giving me away next to my daddy and all the people he so proudly shared that moment with. I'm going to miss him on Christmas Eve when I think of all the years I spent gathered at his house. I'm going to miss him on my birthday, because nobody else has every called to sing to me like he did. No one else ever ended every single call with 'I love you hunny'. I still have his last song saved to my voice mail and I'm going to keep missing him every time it plays. I'm going to think of the very last phone call and the very last words I said to him on Easter Sunday. I had no idea that would be our last conversation. As a matter of fact, I'm going to think of him every Sunday because it was a Sunday that changed my life forever. I'm going to miss him when we buy a house, something he wanted for months. My heart is going to break when I see my own kids with their own papa's - because I'll be thinking of mine.

So I miss him a lot today, and I'll miss him even more tomorrow and the thousands of tomorrows after that.

Silly Me!

As I say over and over again - I'm very anxious to buy a "home" of our own. I want to find a home closer to both of our families, somewhere big enough for our families to get together and spend more time with each other. I want that so badly that I cry myself to sleep sometimes. I've been struggling with feeling kind of lonely lately, making me feel very restless - hence some of my other posts. Poor Greg. My sadness gets the best of both of us.

But you know what God has been whispering to me lately? "Kay, My presence is your home."

It took me weeks to hear that simple message because I was too wrapped up in my own loneliness and restlessness. Silly me.

Wedding Pictures!

After months, I've finally posted our wedding pictures. I'll keep this short and sweet. There are already more than enough on facebook.


Mom & her boy! :)

Just a fun one of my grandparents!

My whole family! My wonderful dad and grandpa "gave me away".

Gregory's Fam!



Dancing with my husband!



Our rings. Not at all what I picked out, but somehow he managed to get an even more beautiful ring than I could have pictured! (With his momma's help!)


Our photographer said: "Ok, now put your chests together." And this is what she gets. The chest bump!


I am amazed by the cake, made my Leigh Harvey!

Our bridal party! Ally Blaschak, Laura Seyler, Heidi Horst, Ashley Gillis, Terri Hook, Ang Carnahan, Nate Adams, Tom Pollock, Mat Zubik, Ryan Seth, Kasey Kriebel, and Eric Leonard.

Who is this God?

I'm sitting here in the dining room curled up by the computer. Ten feet away sits my husband. He's playing worship music by himself in the living room - singing at the top of his lungs with his pretty blue eyes closed.

In this moment, I'm overcome with awe and wonder and satisfaction with my God and the gift he has given me in my husband... I am blessed beyond what I could have ever imagined.

Yet, time and time again, I ache for just a little more. There are so many nights I sit here alone while Greg is at worship practice or playing volleyball at his church or hockey with his friends or even working late - wondering why we can't move closer to my home - closer to my family and my friends... I wonder why we can't be at my church every Sunday, or why I can't just simply spend more time with my husband and not have to share his attention with the rest of the world.

Time and time again I plan and reach for things that aren't here yet. I think of moving and buying a house - forgetting that we are blessed to have this free apartment without rent or a mortgage. I dream of our babies that don't yet exist - picturing big blue eyes and dark brown curls and dimples - forgetting that this very moment is one we will never get back. I forget to enjoy the quiet nights playing cards, or the last minute shopping trips, or the Saturdays we spend laying in bed all afternoon because I'm so caught up in what's to come.

In the midst of my questions and my aching I am humbly reminded of the God who loves me still. It's His love that heals me. In my sadness and loneliness I am reminded that real joy doesn't come from anything or anyone here in this world - not even my husband. In my darkest moments and in the sadness of my heart, the only one who can save me is the very One who created me.


All the way down, all the way down to where I fell
I stare at the ground, blood that I have spilled
But just to feed me you bend
all the way down, all the way down to where I fell

Who is this God that loves me still?
This love that keeps me safe when I run
Safe when I’m young and foolish

Out of the dark, out of the dark that hides my face
I’m coming apart when you say my name
With ties of love you lead me out of the dark
Out of the dark that hides my face

Who is this God that loves me still?
This love that heals me when I am bound
When I am found and humble

With love you lead me
You bend to feed me
Taught me to walk
was you all along

Who is this God that loves me still?
This love that finds me when I am lost
Although it cost you everything

"Who is this God?" - Alli Rogers